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23 June 2009 @ 04:30 pm
Okay, so any hope I had this morning of taking a "sick" day anytime this week went out the window. I thought this would be a quieter, less stressful week, but that idea went out the effing window. UGH.

Couple things have me sitting on cloud nine though...tomorrow I have an appointment to check out that house, and so I am VERY excited. I saw that they took the house listing off their website this afternoon, and I panicked and emailed them just to make sure the house is still available, and it is...so I am looking at that as a sign from above that this house is meant to be mine! I will know for sure in a few days! YAY!

Also, my sis is for sure coming out to see me in August, and she will be here for my birthday, which makes me SO happy! :) I also get to see my daddy next week!!!!

Things are looking up...I just need to keep focusing on these positive, exciting forces and push the stress back out from underneath me.

Current Mood: bouncybouncy
In the Background: law and order-criminal intent
21 June 2009 @ 10:52 pm
I feel so much more at peace with things. This is going to be a good week...I am forcing myself to see the bigger picture and the light at the end of the tunnel, beckoning me to draw nearer and nearer. I am there, at the pivotal point of no return...I am just gathering the loose ends and I am ready and willing to cross over fully into my new direction and not look back until I choose to.
Current Mood: tiredtired
21 June 2009 @ 05:57 pm
Okay...as an addendum to what I wrote in my last post, I am that much more motivated and driven to make the most of my life and not be so concerned with other people. Because when it comes down to it all, it is about me, and I am trying so desperately hard to change the old me. If someone can't handle that, then I will gather more of the courage I have within and be proactive with taking care of it.

All in all, I feel awesome, so empowered, so excited...moving will be SO GOOD for me...and so will finding the man of my dreams. ;)

***Okay I am watching something on TV about Screech from Saved By the Bell having a sex tape? GAG VOMIT CRY. Oh God, the images need to get out of my head! Icky, icky man!
Current Mood: mellowmellow
21 June 2009 @ 04:05 pm
I feel so fucking amazing. I have not smoked all weekend, and I am going to continue this. I am so fed up, I want to be done...and I am. I have been done mentally for a long time...it is just the physical addiction part that kept biting me in the ass. But I had an awesome long talk with this wonderful guy from my department who recently quit smoking after 11 years, and so that gave me further strength and drive. Go me!

On the other hand...I am feeling very bitter about a few things (people) right now. There is so much I want to say to them. That I have no respect, no hope, and no place for them, really. Maybe it may seem I care, but I really don't. I am just too weak to push you away right now. It is sad that these people may make me feel BAD for quitting smoking...its like they enjoy seeing me buckle under the clutches of addiction, like they get a sick pleasure from seeing weakness. HA! FUCK YOU! I am ready to kick you out of my life so fast if you bring me down. I just broke up with my FIANCE for doing the same thing...why the hell do you feel you are privileged? A new me has surfaced. I am not going to take your crap...or anyone else's.
Current Mood: angryangry
19 June 2009 @ 09:36 pm

It is the weekend...thank God. I can barely remember going through the motions of working 5 days this week...it has been that hectic and stressful. Next week will be more of a challenge, but I feel better about the direction and the challenges. Just got to keep going...I am feeling like I am burning out, but I refuse to give in...I am focusing on the rewards and accomplishments that lie ahead, and so I am refusing to give in and surrender.

I am so fucking excited for my move...things are progressing and I will be going in next week to get approved for the house! YAY! That is lifting me up and giving me the strength and motivation to keep going. It is all feeling so real...


Current Mood: excitedexcited
In the Background: dateline
17 June 2009 @ 04:29 pm
Today was fast-paced and extremely challenging. I had moments where I was ready to scream and cry, and I was contemplating finding the nearest dive bar and spending my lunch there. But I got through it, and I am utterly exhausted. After Covey my boss and I went to lunch together, and that was awesome. I opened up to her about my stress and my fears, and she was so understanding and expressed concern. She told me to take some days off...and I will, but right now too much is expected of me. She reassured me and really helped boost me back up. I also opened up to her about a certain touchy subject that she outwardly questioned me on, and that surprised the hell out of me. Wow, SHE even saw it, and she hasn't been my manager for that long. I got back to work and was thrown back into the new world of management and planning and strategizing. I am writing the QA rubric for the SRS team, and that has proven to be very challenging and a little frustrating (yeah, I don't really know the job), but the manager liked it and the direction and so that helped me feel much more at ease. And then on Monday I will have my direct reports and so I am trying to strategize a plan for them, and I decided to meet with them on Friday after the meeting from hell to discuss what is expected of them. So yeah, a lot is going on. I just can't wait until things slow back down. I REALLY want to start dating...I can't stop thinking about it, but I need to focus on my move and work for the moment.

I need a DRINK.
Current Mood: stressedstressed
In the Background: law and order-svu
16 June 2009 @ 08:22 pm
Just an FYI for myself. Next time, don't go into the store and ask for a pack of full-figured cigarettes (I meant full-flavored).

What can I say? I like my cigarettes full-figured. ;)
Current Mood: dorkydorky
In the Background: law and order-svu
16 June 2009 @ 05:01 pm
And you know what else will cure my issues? The deep, dark, skeezy pangs that torture me day and night?

Do I even have to say it? I think you know where I am going with this...
Current Mood: predatorypredatory
15 June 2009 @ 06:54 pm
What a shitty, piece of crap of a day. I just want to curl in a ball in the fetal position and sleep until next year.
Current Mood: angryangry
In the Background: mike's dad
14 June 2009 @ 05:32 pm
This weekend was awesome...I'm bummed that it is almost over. Back to reality, back to responsibilities.

I am feeling the stress of my upcoming move, but I remain deliciously positive and motivated. I am dreading the packing all over again...I look around and start feeling overwhelmed. I find myself feeling small pangs of anger towards Justin for abandoning everything, like, doesn't he care? Didn't he ever care? I guess not. Fuck him...I haven't been happier and emotionally healthier since he moved out, and more so, since I broke up with him. Good luck with life, buddy...it will be a cold, hard slap in the face the day you wake up.

I'm taking my car in tomorrow. UGH. Dreading the financial hit, but it has to be done. Of course numb nuts was always too lazy to change my timing belt when we were still together. I would have only had to pay 40 bucks or whatever for the belt. Damn you! Oh well...let it go...money is not happiness...being without HIM is happiness.
Current Mood: blahblah
In the Background: law and order-svu